It is hard to define exactly what soft swinging is, as the boundaries between soft and full swinging are different for everybody involved in the lifestyle.

A few basic definitions are:

• Watching other people having sex - known as Voyeurs

• Being watched while having sex - know as Exhibitionists

  • Both of these include same room sex, where you and your partner play with each other while watching another couple play.

• Having oral sex, but not full intercourse with people other than their partners, but with their partner present.

The following definitions have been sent in by users of the site. 

I would say that a soft swingers are people who are looking for an erotic or sexual experience involving others, but don't necessarily want full sex.

Examples might be...

• exhibitionism or voyeurism. But a same room/own partner experience could be simply that it is fun and exciting to be flirty/touchy with others, getting turned on, as a warm-up to sex with your own partner. 

• Don't think you could call this exhibitionism!!!

• Could be photography, and sharing this with others.

• Could be couples with just the females touching/kissing each other.

• Could be just chatting on line and swapping photos (this is all some people want to do...perhaps they should be encouraged to admit it, as it might cut down on the 'time-wasters').

• Could be bloody anything anyone finds sexy!!!!
  

I would consider myself a soft swinger...but I would (and do) fully participate if I want to at the time. But my first definition still covers this...as I don't have prearranged full sex with someone I have only just met.

In my opinion, for many soft swingers the build-up is often as much fun as the event itself. It is foreplay taken to extremes...a gradual teasing and build up of sexual tension over a long time...the ideas and fantasies are very erotic. Emails, phone calls, photos can all be part of that. So can taking things slowly when you do meet someone.

However, this can be annoying for a lot of people, as they do not find it a turn-on, just frustrating!!! I don't believe it's about soft swingers being scared, or time wasters, it's about wanting something else.

Sophie 13th June 2002