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Just like any other part of life. you will
have a lot more success if you follow the etiquette that applies to the
activity. I have brought together a series of generally accepted points of
swinging etiquette which should help you have more fun. I have split the points
into three sections.
Contact Etiquette
Advertisers:
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Please respond to all e-mails you receive from
respondents.
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Most of them will have spent time plucking up courage
to write to you, and time thinking of the right thing to say to get you to
notice them.
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It does not need to be a long letter, a short note
saying something along the lines of "Thank you for your response, but
you do not match what I am currently looking for, better luck next
time" will at least let the respondent know they have failed. I know
that I for one check my mail eagerly after I send every response,
hoping that someone has written back to me.
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If you are an escort advertising for business
please advertise only in the escort section. If you are an escort
advertising for play friends please use a different e-mail address from
that used for your business. If I am made aware of people being asked
for payment when responding to ads outside the escort area I will
delete the ad.
Respondents:
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Always be polite.
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Tell the advertiser what you like about their ad.
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Tell them how you think you will meet their
requirements.
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If you enclose a picture show your face - most people
like to see the person, rather than a piece of genitalia. If they like
the look of you, they will then ask for another picture, a nude
one if they want it. (some people do want nude pictures from the start, but
they will usually say so in their ad).
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Keep the language clean, match your response to
the ad. Don't go straight in with a hardcore letter.
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If you are turned down by an advertiser, don't keep
contacting them - you are not going to make any friends by being a nuisance
or abusive. Just move on to the next advertiser.
I am sure that I have missed many points, and
that people will help me update this over the next few weeks.
General Swinging
Etiquette
All of us want to be successful as swingers. It doesn't
matter how often, with whom, where, or in what style we swing. If you
employ the following suggestions or adapt them to your own situation, you should
become a welcome participant.
1. BE COURTEOUS
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Be aware that this is a lifestyle full of
insecurities, uncertainties and fears. Courteously is how we all want to be
treated - with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity. In
essence, courtesy is our treating people the way we ourselves want to be
treated.
2. BE FRIENDLY
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Whether or not you are personally interested in
swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other
interests or you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to
someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.
3. RESPOND TO ALL INVITATIONS
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RSVP means please reply to the invitation. It does NOT
mean reply only if you plan to attend. The most frustrating part of hosting,
be it a party, a group or another couple, is people who are discourteous
enough not to respond, PERIOD. Good etiquette and good social courtesy
DEMAND you respond, by either calling or writing to say yes OR no.
4. NEVER ARRIVE EMPTY HANDED
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When you go to someone's home for a party, ask if
there is something you can bring. (it's amazing how many supplies, other
than food are used up at an average party.) If you are not going as a
couple, a house - gift is appropriate (and not necessarily wine.) This is
not necessary when attending a party where an entrance fee is charged. If
the party is a BYOB (Bring your Own Bottle) take a bottle of what you will
be drinking, it is extreme rudeness to take along a bottle of wine, then
proceed to drink someone else's bottle of scotch.
5. GO PREPARED
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Take whatever you personally are going to need with
you. Carry a small overnight bag for lingerie or robe, hairbrush, comb,
toothbrush, cologne, intimate cleansing articles, condoms, etc.. If you plan
to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and pillows are necessities.
6. CLEANLINESS
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Nothing turns a person off faster and more effectively
than an unclean body or un-fresh breath. Even if you shower and perfume
yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up again
when you arrive at your destination. It is amazing what time to drive
somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever, can do or rather UNDO.
7. RESPECT OTHERS FEELINGS
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Beware, not everyone is comfortable in all situations,
Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as others, is
relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try helping
them over the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once yourself. If
it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous;
but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about
things.
8. DON'T BE PUSHY
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If you are interested in swinging with someone, let
them know in an inviting way; if they are interested, they will respond
positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask
WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their mind
and will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say
"NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever
forget that.
9. ONLY DO WHAT IS FUN FOR YOU
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Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved with
anybody that you are not interested in. There is no reason to involve
yourself in a scene that you are not comfortable with. You are in the
lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and
with whom you want.
10. HOW AND WHY TO SAY NO
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One of the basic etiquette's in swinging is the right
of anyone to say "No". Experience has taught most people that
everybody is not right for everybody else. Improper handling of a situation,
can however lead to a lot of hurt or very bad feelings. The swing world
accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to
anyone at anytime and it should be done with a simple "No thank
you". Never give an explanation, because that is what usually causes
the problems and the pain.
11. ALCOHOL OR DRUGS
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Most of us do not use drugs, although some of us drink
socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you "relax".
Over indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn
other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to participate
in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle.
12. PRACTICE SAFER SEX
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It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our
partners. With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases such
as syphilis, gonorrhea, aids, yeast infection, etc.., the use of condoms
should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to take this precaution is
acting selfishly and irresponsibly. You are not being accused of being
unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you both with protection.
13. CALL TO SAY THANKS
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Most people only use the telephone if they are going
to go somewhere. Lost seems to the social ambience of a 'Thank You Note' or
phone call to someone whose hospitality you enjoyed. It means a lot to most
people, and they will surely remember you when planning their next event.
Don't you like to be thanked?
14. BE GOOD HOSTS
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When you have people coming to your home, try to
anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the beds; keep plenty of clean
washcloths and towels available. Show your guests through the house so that
they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen, and other rooms are located.
15. ANSWERING ADS
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All replies to an ad should be answered in two weeks
even if it is a No. Remember not all people you write to are interested in
you or your partners sexual heroics. A first letter should include a brief
description of yourselves, where you saw the ad, your ad number and your
social and sexual interests. An SAE should be included with your original
reply as many couples receive a large number of replies which can be costly
to reply to.
16. ENJOY YOURSELF
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Most important, have a good time, act out your
fantasies, explore your own sexuality and enjoy everything this lifestyle
has to offer with enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude.
Party Etiquette
1. RELAX and GET ACQUAINTED
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When at an on-premise club or swing house party, you
are there to have the best of times and to share the uninhibited enjoyment
associated with those who have discovered a new dimension in their
lifestyles. Once you have become familiar with the surroundings and staff
members or host/hostess, try to become as at ease as you would be at any
other social gathering. Don't hesitate to introduce yourselves to other
people. You'll find them eager to welcome you and to help you blend into
their circle of sincere camaraderie.
2. SOME TIPS ON ETIQUETTE
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While you are advised to be congenial and outgoing,
don't be "pushy". Many couples who are new to "swinging"
often have unrealistic expectations and are not prepared to handle
rejections that may sometimes occur. Freshly showered, perfumed, and neatly
dressed people make more contacts. Don't let your personal physical
idiosyncrasies stop you from having a good time. No one is perfect [although
it is common for new "swingers" to see others as more attractive
or more verbal as themselves]. Don't let your own mind be your worst enemy.
Be prepared to handle rejection but don't take it personally.
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It is important to remember that PERSONAL CHOICE is
the right of every individual and to 'respect that right' is only common
courtesy. Learn how to accept "no thank you" graciously. Your
approach -- which should be the same as it would be at any social setting --
is a key factor to your acceptance as a desirable partner/friend.
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There are several variations to "swinging"
and it is important that you and your mate decide, in advance, those which
you like and dislike. Some couples prefer to be alone, while others prefer
to be with other couples. Establish your own ground rules, but please decide
on them BEFORE you start "swinging".
3. JOIN THE CONVERSATION
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Some people will probably "break the ice" by
introducing themselves, along with other couples they know. It's their way
of making you feel at home. Feel free to join their conversation and you'll
find that most of them will be happy to answer any questions you may have
about the "swinging" lifestyle. Be open and honest. Tell them that
you are new to "swinging" and you'll discover how helpful people
can be.
4. START OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT
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On your first venture into the swinging scene, you may
feel somewhat uneasy about seeing your partner / soul mate with someone
else. Some "swingers" want to share swinging with their mate and
feel uneasy having their mate leave to another room with someone. Everyone
has their own reasons for their feelings and all feelings are real and
should be respected. To avoid embarrassment or disillusionment, discuss your
inhibitions with your mate beforehand. Both of you may be more comfortable
after talking to other couples and learning how they handled their first
"swinging" session.
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